Let me tell you what this looked like for me.

"I can read a book once dishes are done. I can go for a walk once the kids are all set. I can eat once I feed my kids, clear their plate, and wash the dishes and counters. Crap. Now the baby is awake and I need to change and feed her so… I’ll eat once all that is finished."

Now we need to leave the house because I committed to something I didn’t really want to do. I'm still hungry. Still haven't showered. Still haven't stopped to ask myself what I need in the busyness of caring for everyone else.

If this rings true to you, then you may have had the same mindset issue that I did - and still sometimes fall into. I couldn't love myself, or feel loved, until I took care of everyone else.

I had no idea that my inability to stop was directly linked to my inability to feel loved. Like I had to work and work to earn the love of myself and those around me. Like somehow, it was a finish line that I had to work to earn it.

Like I would only be worthy of input, when I had sufficiently given good enough output. How could I ever accurately measure what a good enough output was when the demands continued to increase?

But when you constantly give output + don’t allow input, you’ll burn out. Hard + fast. You’ll burn down your relationships and be upset that others aren’t giving you the input you need, when it’s your job to give yourself the input you need.

Input can be simple. For me, it looks like this: playing soccer in a league once a week, walking daily, listening to a podcast, reading a book, long showers at night with candlelight (and sometimes a bowl of ice cream), intentional time with God with silence and scripture study, or playing pick up soccer with a group of ladies in my neighborhood. All simple, low cost, things that fill my cup and give me input.

Love is a law, not a reward. It exists, it isn’t earned. If this is hard for you, start to notice how you love yourself. Do you allow yourself to make mistakes? Do something wrong? Mess up? Ask forgiveness? Ask for help? Say no? How do you talk to yourself? What do you believe about yourself?

Here are 3 suggestions:

1. Give yourself some input. Do something that fills your cup. If your brain tells you that you don’t deserve it, tell it that you deserve to rest and recharge. That rest is as productive as work when they are in harmony.
2. Sit down and write 5 things you love about yourself. If you can’t do that, stop worrying about your output for the moment, and slow down enough to get some input.
3. Try the high five habit from Mel Robins. Every. Day. Look yourself in the eyes in the mirror, give yourself a high 5, and tell yourself something that you’re proud of yourself for doing. It could be anything - big or small. (It’s so uncomfortable at first, but try it for one week and see how you feel)

My friends… If you want to increase your output, increase your input. Give yourself permission to slow down. To say no to more demands on your time, energy, and resources. If you feel like your output is lousy, increase your input.